Face Value

"You shaved."

My guy - before he shaved.

These were the words uttered by my sixteen-year-old to her father as she walked in the door from school a couple weeks ago.

My husband caught my eye, smiled small and looked at Jill, "Yes, I did," he responded quietly, yet affirmatively.

My stomach sank. A wave of guilt washed over me like cold water as I stared at his newly, and still so handsome, clean-shaven face. I felt awful. I'd spent all day with this man, we had lunch and went shopping.  I'd even kissed him and yet I'd failed to see that his whiskers were gone and the scruff I used to feel rubbing against my cheek when we cuddled was noticeably absent. How could I have missed something so obvious? How could I fail to notice such a major change on the face of the most important person in my life this side of heaven? In short, I was so focused on myself, thinking on my own problems and issues, I'd become blind to anything else, including the love of my life.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ~ James 1:22-24

I know in the above verse (one of my husband's favorites, by the way) James is cautioning us not to fail to put God's Word into action. Once we know God and know His word, our natural response should be to act, to become the Word fleshed out in a world desperate for hope. I understand this verse is not talking about literally forgetting what your own face looks like. But it was this verse that came to mind when I thought on my recent blunder. I couldn't help but feel that my complete oblivion to his obvious change was, in fact, the result of me "forgetting" to be Christ-like.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ~ Philippians 2:3

My lack of awareness and my inability to notice what was going on in the lives of those around me because I was so wrapped up in my own issues is the direct result of my selfishness and pride. Truth be told, I know I was completely preoccupied that day with something that seemed urgent and important, but now, just two weeks later, I honestly couldn't tell you why. I'm also certain that my family was probably dealing with their own junk that day. And yet, rather than reach out my hands and open my arms to serve and love them, I can almost hear my inner two-year-old whining, "What about me?" with clenched fists and stomping feet.

Look, I get it, We all have junk we're sorting through and our own stuff to work out. I even acknowledge that some of us have problems that are fairly or even pretty major. Those tough situations can feel consuming and overwhelming, so much so we can't imagine thinking about anything or anyone else. But here's the thing: When I allow my own circumstances to render me completely blind to the lives of those around me (especially those I live with) not only am I sinking further into the pit of despair, which is totally not helpful, I'm actually missing out on God's solution for my worried, anxiety-ridden, wandering mind. 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. ~ Matthew 6:33

Here's the kicker: when I'm worried about my own problems and feeling anxious as I think on my personal issues, Jesus reminds me to focus on God and to serve His kingdom. When I stop to lift my eyes and release my tight grip on all the cares in my life,  my problems and my worries actually land in the only hands truly capable to handle them and I'm free to seek the Kingdom by loving God's people. 

The day he shaved, the day I was so blindly unaware, had I stopped to look up from my own self pity to gaze into my sweet husband's face, not only would I have noticed he shaved, I'm sure I would have been met with caring eyes, a loving smile, and stretched out arms inviting me to relax and let go of my worries.  Failing to notice what's going on in the lives around me not only prevents me from comforting them, but it hinders any comfort, love, and encouragement I might receive in return. Selfishness and self-centeredness become the locked doors that block the exchange of mercy, love, grace, and concern that should be the identifying characteristics of any Christ follower. 

My husband forgave me the moment I sheepishly followed him into the garage, touched his face and whispered, "I'm so sorry." When I asked if he would please forgive me,  he told me there was nothing to forgive, he'd already forgotten about it and it was no big deal. I don't know if that's entirely the truth, but I do know he was a much better example of Christ-likeness that day than me. I pray I never get so focused on me again, that I become blind to those I love and their needs. But if I do, I take great comfort knowing God will open my eyes and offer the same forgiveness my husband extended to me.  

    the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;

the Lord loves the righteous. ~Psalm 146:8